Transitional Blues...

As many probably already know, I decided back in June to go part time at my company. This decision was sort of a mixed blessing - the upside obviously is 2 more days with Kendall - but the downside was that I would be giving up my supervisor role to go back as front line technical support. Well, for a number of reasons that I won't expand on, I have continued with the supervisor role through July, August, and will carry on until the latter portion of September. So now that I'm within arms reach of being part time, most would probably think I would be elated, relieved, estatic even...but I feel the weirdest pangs of almost sadness?!?!

Most of it probably relates back to the role itself...I went through a 6 month interview process to get the supervisor position and was barely in the role that amount of time before I decided to give it up. It was and still is a difficult time in my team. Around the time that I decided to request the part time, I felt like I couldn't breath in the position...there was so much to do and that I was responsible for...I felt like I was disappointing not only everyone at work but my little girl at home that I barely saw. But the weirdest, most sickly ironic thing happened once I decided to step down...it got better. In fact, the past month has been insanely calm for me at work.

So now the new person has been selected and I am starting to hand off responsibilities and I almost have to stop myself from wanting to pull back. And then I remember that I was the one who wanted this in the first place...

I still know I am doing the right thing...it's just hard...I imagine this is 1/100th of what it feels like to take your child to kindergarden or college. It's that feeling of having to let something go that was yours and now...not so much...